no, we're not married

i went on a field trip with my fab baker boys, my nephew, and one of my awesome friends. this particular field trip consisted of his desire to fulfill my craving for pecan waffles. we were en route and he happened to spot one of his co-workers. we pulled over and they began to chat (despite my growing hunger). the fella looked in the car and asked, is this your wife and kids? uh!! no!! i'm not his wife!! i quickly answered NO!! like he asked if i killed someone and was under interrogation. not that being his wife would be a bad thing (hell. i wouldn't know since i am nothing close to being anybody's wife). just because he shares a name with one of my princes doesn't mean there's anything married-life like going on between us. the thing is, anytime someone sees us or i talk to someone about us, they assume we're married. the next time this happens, i'm simply going to reply, "no, we're not married! we have sex too often to be married." that should put all inquiries to rest. wouldn't you agree?

that's not happiness to hear you

don't ya just hate when your phone rings, you look at the caller id, and the name or picture that flashes across your screen belongs to an individual you would much rather not hear from? no? so it is just me!! oh well. let's pretend it happens to you as well while you read about them mayhem i consider my world. so the piece of shit phone i had decided to have a stroke (and by that, one side of the touchscreen stopped working) and i wasn't able to reply to text messages or call anyone. correction, i could call a person just after they called me and i used my keypad to go thru the missed call list and hit the "enter" key for the selected party. this went on for about three and a half weeks while i pondered replacing the phone with my insurance or getting a new phone altogether. i'd already said i was going to get a new phone and just give my old one to my niece,  but now i didn't know what i was going to do. so as i continued to ponder my next move, my phone stopped charging...period. so i told myself i would do both. get the replacement phone and give it to my niece and upgrade my phone. i needed a bigger screen anyway. the initial  phone i wanted was no longer available and when i found out there was a better phone available and not quite as expensive, i put my plan into motion. let's face it! i don't have the best luck with phones so why pay more for one than i do my household bills combined? my lifestyle doesn't call for that...anymore. plus, i would be out of my mind to spend all that money and i only use the damn phone to text the very few people i care to interact with and update facebook and twitter. and for that, i can get a two-way pager. you feel me? so during all of this, i went into monk mode (yet again). pretty much the only people who got in touch with me was "blood" and i didn't mind. there were instances where a select few got in touch with me, and again, i didn't mind. but it's like as soon as i got the hoopla surrounding my replacement phone straightened out (and there was hoopla), shit blew up. this of course reminded me why i enjoyed the peace and quiet of being without a phone. don't call my damn phone "private" at unGODly hours because i know your tricks. and since you haven't changed them in years, I KNOW IT'S YOUR DUMB ASS!!! and since i don't feel like being bothered with your bullshit, i'm blocking you. yep! you! so that's what i mean by my title. it's not happiness to hear the ringtone associated with your punk ass!!

of course i'm woke

it's dark o' clock and i'm up trying to figure out what is wrong with my brand new phone. it hasn't been right since i bought it. i don't know how long this love affair is going to last if it keeps up with this behavior. i like the feel of it in my hands. it's not too small and not too big! it's like the baby bear's items to goldilocks...JUST RIGHT!!! i just want it to stop cutting a monkey on me. we could have such a great life together if it would straighten  up and fly righht. besides my phone, i'm thinking of my son's up and coming birthday in two months. you may think this is too soon, but i like to be prepared. i was thinking of going with my friend's idea to host our kids' parties together since their birthdays are a few days apart. the thing is, i haven't seen him in seven years. i take that back. i did see him two years ago. we had an opportunity to catch up after court one day. it was pretty cool, despite the scorching temperature. so the birthday soiree is definitely a possibilty.