his advice

a great friend of mine was talking to me as his "homie" and advised me that i should go ahead and consider becoming unsingle. seems he read one of my recent posts and can't understand why i'm keeping to myself. he understands why i want to be single, but why i keep myself to myself he can't grasp. i am trying to enjoy no commitments outside of being a mother. i  almost don't ever want to go back to work because then i would be committing myself to a company. i am not going to say i am considering it. i am considering pulling a disappearing act just to avoid it. but a certain individual is very persistent and says he will find me, some way somehow. now what does my trusty friend have to say about this? who knows? i have yet to ask him what he thinks about this. in the meantime, i think i'll sit back and enjoy these last few days of workit job freedom. can't go back to work tied down to someone. not that i'm trying to find love at work. i've never been about that. i go to work to get paid. i just happen to make associates along the way.
so the question is do i take my friend's advice? do i step into that box and give the relationship scenario another spin? i'm kinda already in the box and i don't like the way it makes me feel. that's how i know i'm not ready to be in a relationship. so despite what anybody suggests or feels, i'm going to continue to be single.

rebel with a cause

i've purposely tried to stay single because i just don't want to deal with being a part of a couple. i've done that for more than half of my life and BIG is intent on changing my mind. i wish i could say i'm okay with him wanting to do this, but...i'm not! i am content with us hanging out every now and then. but it seems every now and then has turned into every day. whoa!! i thought we were just having fun and taking it "light" but i should have known he would want more based off our conversations. he's a great guy and all, but i have found myself looking for condos and baby shower gifts. it's like when did we take that step? so now to get myself out of this routine, i feel the urge to step outside of this box i've come to step inside. i do believe it's time i stop pussyfooting around and hang with Lyndon again. he always seems to know what i need to hear. he's an awesome friend and i just adore him.

what the fuck? it's wednesday. i may as well

i had another random up wake episode today. and yes! you read correctly. i said up wake. i have been having them more than usual lately ( well we can let yesterday's slide because my alarm was set) and it is really starting to annoy me. usually when i get up in the middle of the night, i can go right back to the land of inkin blinkin and nod, but not on up wake random days. these are the days when i'm up between three:thirty and four a.m. in the morning and i try desparately to go back to sleep for hours only to doze off just before it is time for the bigger abbreviated americans to start getting up for school. then it is annoying because i am a light sleeper and they tend to sound like a clan of ogres in the a.m. so i'm forced to get up and put on my superwoman costume and do the Mother thing while running on a few hours of sleep. then we have incidents where i attempt to stay woke during the course of the day and i nod off in the midst of another activity. let's take yesterday for example. my princes and i were watching a movie and i decided to have a cup of johan to make sure i stay up and what do you know...i spilled (more like poured) the coffee in my lap. and it was only about five:00 in the evening. sure, they're usually outside playing at that time, but for some strange reason, they were indoors. well needless to say the coffee incident heightened my aggravation with random up wake days. so today i do believe i will make it "official sarcasm is my first language day" some of you fuckboys and girls better watch out. just make sure you let me know if what i say offends you...so i can say it again some other time. thanx for being a team player. well on that note, i'm going to sign off. Lata Gata!!

mayday!! mayday!! i'm having a meltdown...

and this is so not the month for it! and that was definitely the wrong time to have one. there were water works and everything. i tried not to do it, but he made me. he says it's for the best. i don't know about all that. this is supposed to be my month that i shut down, but it doesn't look like he's going to let me. i told him we could discuss anything he wants starting the first of june. he said he's okay with it, and i'm sure he's going to stick to his word. i think i'm going to be okay with the discussion when we have it. i know it won't take place before the fifth so that gives me me a month.