edward kyle

is my chunky little one year old who, along with his brothers, is the highlight of my day. he's going on two and we're counting down the days until his big day. well today is my sister's birthday and we called to wish her a happy one. kyle refuses to accept this fact and proceeds to argue with her that it's all about his birthday. he eventually got mad and hung up. but now i'm trying to figure out how ge's gonna deal with the fact that he shares his birthday with one of his cousins. now last year, he had his 1st birthday party by himself. but my sister and i were considering giving them a party together (it only makes sense) this year. after seeing the way he reacted to my sister's birthday this morning, i'm starting to reconsider. i don't want him to have an angry baker moment and lash out at the party because he has to share. so i feel the plans are going to change until he gets a little older. i'm just hoping my niece understands because she was all geared to have her party with him. i can't wait for him to see his cake. he's the baby snackmaster so he loves cake.

Wise Words

I was driving earlier with my boys and their father and out of nowhere he said 'if opportunity isn't knocking, build a door.' i couldn't believe what i had heard because it seemed to have been just what i needed to hear at the time. we talked a while about the quote and after our conversation came to an end (actually he just went into the restaurant to pick up his food), i sat in silence pondering. what if i want more than one opportunity to knock? does this mean i have to build multiple doors? how about i build a whole building so that the opportunities just continue to flow? so now i've come to the conclusion i'm going to get my opportunities to come a knockin. i just want to thank you, mr. edward baker, for inspiring me in a way that you will never know.

Is it really a Happy New Year?

I've come to the conclusion that i do love him. i've tried to avoid it, but it hit me last night as i laid alone in my bed. of all the people i wish i could've been with at the stroke of midnight (besides my boys) it's him. so now that i made the resolution to stop sacrificing as much and taking what i want, i guess the next step is to tell him. the thing is i don't feel like facing change right now. i told myself with the crash of my last "relationship" that i refuse to go that route again. i just don't want to end up bitter. i'm not there yet, but i feel that my breaking point is drawing near. and it's not that i hold grudges or bring baggage from my previous situation to the next. it's just that after three "relationships" that have spanned over a total of 15 years, one gets tired of being in a one-sided situation. now back to the man i'm loving right now. i just don't see it going in the same direction the last ones went. but then again, i saw those going differently also. i ask myself all the time why i didn't run into him years ago when we were both in the same place. but i guess i had to go thru my trials and tribulations in order for him to restore my faith. this is another reason why i love him. i can't wait to be able to finally tell him.