I've come to the conclusion that i do love him. i've tried to avoid it, but it hit me last night as i laid alone in my bed. of all the people i wish i could've been with at the stroke of midnight (besides my boys) it's him. so now that i made the resolution to stop sacrificing as much and taking what i want, i guess the next step is to tell him. the thing is i don't feel like facing change right now. i told myself with the crash of my last "relationship" that i refuse to go that route again. i just don't want to end up bitter. i'm not there yet, but i feel that my breaking point is drawing near. and it's not that i hold grudges or bring baggage from my previous situation to the next. it's just that after three "relationships" that have spanned over a total of 15 years, one gets tired of being in a one-sided situation. now back to the man i'm loving right now. i just don't see it going in the same direction the last ones went. but then again, i saw those going differently also. i ask myself all the time why i didn't run into him years ago when we were both in the same place. but i guess i had to go thru my trials and tribulations in order for him to restore my faith. this is another reason why i love him. i can't wait to be able to finally tell him.
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