here we go again

i don't have a title for my thoughts so there you have it. today i woke up in an awesome mood and it didn't matter one bit that i'm still hoarse and now have a cold. what's that all about? well on to why i'm so at ease today.
i got a text last night just saying "i really appreciate you" and that just made me feel like i was walking on the clouds. it's certain people that i get a thrill out of talking to but just hearing their ringtone telling me they're texting puts a smile on my face. the person who appreciates me just for being me is one of those people. i just wish i knew what prompted the text. i asked if everything was ok and was told everything is good (which i was glad to hear) but i'm still concerned. ok. i'm done bragging about being appreciated. back to your regular scheduled programs.

just as i was celebrating my victory...

...you come along and snatch away my damn trophy. how dare you? and at 6:43 a.m. in the morning.fortunately i was finally dozing off and my phone was on "silent" so i didn't get the message right away. then you tell me i sound sad. how the hell can you tell that from a text? i'm not sad! i'm just so fucking tired all the time and you don't get it. i feel like a fool for missing your friendship and an even bigger fool for telling you this. you apologize for being so distant and ask what you can do to make it up to me and my response is there is nothing to make up. but we all know there is and i'm gonna blow my top at you one day to let you know because that's what i do and then you're really gonna stop communicating with me. then again, maybe you won't. you always come back. after all these years, you still care enough to try to make it up to me. thanx for being you because you freakin rock. man i wanted to be so mad at you but i can't stay mad at you. what's that all about? i'm going to bed...i think.

untitled #1

i'm laying here listening to the rain wishing i could go to sleep but my mind won't cooperate at all. and i seem to have lost my voice. i joked with a friendgirl of mine and told her i would be mean to call edward and torture him by holding a conversation while i'm hoarse since it's such a turn on for him to hear me like this. but i don't have it in me to be mean today. i don't know how i want to feel.
i called myself celebrating a minor victory regarding someone today. it's crazy to say i have gone a whole eight days without communication with someone that i thought i would talk to for the rest of my life. i keep telling myself that i won't miss them but i know that's a lie. there's always something there to bring my thoughts right back to them. but i do believe this is for the better. we'll see how it works out. in the meantime, i'm just going to continue to focus on my book and two other goals i have set for myself. i'll keep you posted.

hate to say i told you so...

...then again, no i don't!!!

i just can't stand the audacity of some people. how do you meet someone who has two kids by two different people (and they don't see either child) and let them convince you they were the victim? personally i would make common sense "common" and deduce that person as the problem in the equation. but unfortunately everyone wasn't graced with that loverly (yes, i wrote loverly and not lovely) gift. maybe they traded it for their degree (that they love to brag about)when the rest of us went about the old fashioned way and studied our way through college.
usually in these cases they base their opinions on the other party(ies) on the misinformation you received from the "innocent" victim and in the long (or short) run, you end up just another "story" being told by the "victim" of how they were mistreated. so now they are trying to get out of their "situation" with the "victim" but they are so far in, it's going to be harder than just saying "it's over" and packing up and leaving.
i'm not saying that i have made the best choices in "love" but damn, some things are just as transparent as glass.

you say

you want to know everything there is to know about me from my shoe size to the number of gray hairs on the top of my head. i say all you have to do is ask. you say you gotta love my two sided logic and how i don't answer a question yes or no. i say i don't "no" about all that. you say you'll wait for me until 2019. i say we'll see about that. you say you wonder if you even matter to me. i say...

I'm writing about you.

being an april fool

april 5th is my baby girl's birthday but the day wasn't all that great for me. i woke up in an awesome mood (much thanx to my successful date on the 3rd and my awesome friend). i decided to send out a good morning text just to be nice. well one of my intended recipients insignificant other decided to make it their business to reply to my attempt at being nice. first of all, the message was intended for someone else. secondly, you shut your mouth when i let you know i know where you live. i just despise people who are all tough over the internet and phone but don't utter a word when you are in their presence. now this is the same person who sat two feet from me while i talked on my phone about their trifling ass and refused to look in my direction. so get your scary ass out of here. and in the end the intended recipient called me to apologize for me having to be inconvenienced due to your stupidity. ok. i'm done.

did you just curse at me like that?

i was just asked if i'm planning on settling down and i almost choked on the thought. i couldn't figure out what would make someone think this when i am so content with my status as it stands. i was told that i referred to someone as the future Mr and it occurred to me that i had when i last posted. i haven't even told the old Mr that i no longer refer to him as the Mr (except those two times) so where do i get off acquiring a future Mr? well i'm pretty sure he knows so i don't need to throw a party or anything to get the word out. as i sat trying to rationalize the situation to the inner voices, i eventually gave up because i know how i can get.
but enough about my dear friend "cursing" at me. i have a concert to go to this weekend and i am having the hardest time figuring out what to wear. it's not like i'm going to meet Will Smith so what does it matter. i'm going to a comedy show and i guess jeans will do. i say that now and come tomorrow, i'm going to change my mind and wear a dress. who knows? i'll just open my closet and whatever jumps out at me, that's what i'll wear. so now that we have the clothes crisis abated, what to do with my hair. i'm thinking of cutting it some more and leaving it at that. guess i'd better figure it out before my hair appointment on sunday.
ok. i'm gonna get back to writing before my creative juices are drained.