don't you just hate when that happens

...or maybe it's just me.
i've been up for more than an hour now thanks to the abbreviated american playing on my phone. who does that? wakes up in the middle of the night "drunk" calling people while sober. my child. one of my friends called back and when i heard the phone ring, i figured he was going thru my ringtones. i took my phone and told him to go to bed, not thinking to look at it. didn't realize that was a callback until he texted asking if i was ok because he saw i called. oops. had to reply that was the kid-person, but i can only imagine what was going thru his head. thoughts like 'she never calls me' or 'is this a prank' maybe 'what is she doing up' hell i don't know. i do know that i am now up before the daggone rooster and i wish i could go back to sleep (kinda the way the abbreviated american did twenty minutes after his calling spree). this is the part that sucks. kinda makes me want to wake him up and make him entertain me for my troubles. now that doesn't sound like a bad idea.

body art

i'm still contemplating a new tattoo. i got a suggestion from someone (their first and middle name on my neck) and i was near tears laughing. i am not one to get a man's name on my body. not that i have anything against those who do. it's your body to do as you please. i don't see that as a way to prove your love for someone and it definitely doesn't mean you'll be with that person forever. i've had guys with girls names tattooed on their neck, arms, whatever still try to come at me. or there are guys who tell me about how they were doing the do with chicks who had some guy's name tramp stamped on their back. so you're hittin it from the back and she's screaming out your name while you're reading another guy's name on her back. how do you continue? do you put a towel over the art or what? i'm going to get something with a meaning behind it. i'm thinking of going with the breast cancer ribbon in honor of my Mother. i still want my footprint design. may not get it where i initially planned. who knows?

what if?

during the past couple of days, i've asked myself that regarding so many situations.
what if i had gone thru with my wedding? w~ i stuck to my guidelines regarding men i date? w~ i never decided to date my best friend? w~ i walked away the first time? w~ i never taken it to that level with him? w~ i were still dealing with him? w~ i had taken that job offer? or even that one? w~ i still went off to school despite being told i need to stay "home"? w~ i kept modeling? what if? what if? what if? none of it matters because either way, i would still be at the point i am now. because my Mother falling ill would have definitely brought me back home. i got over the what ifs and got back to the real world. i needed to be humbled really early in life. i'm glad it happened because there's no telling what type of person i would be had i not. plus these experiences have made me the awesome person i am today. and i love the me that i am.

it's been too long...

...and i'm lost without you. what am i gonna do? -Aaliyah

i spent the first night of the year with my family and the late night sitting up talking to my dear friend. we were watching movies with my brother, niece, third, and Goldie but those peons desserted us and we ended up talking about my madcap adventures and former lifestyle. around three a.m. in the morning, he asked why i was so wired and suggested we "take a nap" for an hour because he was on-call later that day. although i was wide awake, sleep encapsulated my body once i laid my head on his chest. his large arms had a lot to do with it as well. i didn't even tense up when he commented about liking how we were positioned on the couch and how it reminded him of being married. it did make me think about how i no longer have a male bestie. i miss what i had with Jamel. i don't have that friend i can call baby and it not have a sexual undertone. so i'm now on a search to find him. i have candidates in mind. just gotta see who is willing to do it.