where do i start?

i was on one of the popular social networks yesterday about to wish a former coworker a happy birthday and found out she had passed away earlier this year. i didn't know how to react to this because she was younger than me (by a year), but we had just corresponded around christmas and i had no clue she was as ill as she was. apparently she slipped into a coma at the beginning of the year and was gone not long after. this saddened me and i didn't know why it affected me. then when i was asleep, i realized it was closer to me than i thought. she has three daughters and battled diabetes. i remember how she used to inject her insulin at work and i was always wondering if she was okay even though i was dealing with my own health issues.
despite our names sounding alike, we both had a positive disposition despite our ailments. you would have never thought by looking at us that i had one kidney and she had diabetes and a failing heart. i flatlined seven years ago and GOD saw fit to send me back to my family and newborn son. i knew it wasn't a mistake and made myself a promise i would change my thinking. i used to think i was doomed because i had one kidney and was back and forth in and out of the hospital. that was until "i walked towards the light" and was turned back. now i hear all the time about how i am always smiling and people could never tell just by looking at me that I'm sick. well since it's not a matter of public record, there's no need for me to go around announcing it.
but, back to yesterday. seeing that tawanda had passed on made me think of me and luz. we do this thing called life despite our sicknesses and have the hardest time trying to get people to understand why we're not always in the mood to be cheerful. it's not that we aren't happy. we just can't be the "cheerleader" all the time. there are days when i just want to stay in bed all day, but i can't. i have to be a mother and i don't get a vacay from that job. the co-parent says he's going to come get the boys, but never shows. i don't let it get to me. i just continue to do what i do because i'm all my boys have to count on right now. i said a quick prayer for tawanda and her girls. i'm sure they are in good hands because she and her mom were very close.
where does this leave me? as always, i'm thinking. this time i'm thinking that i should make it my business to be better about keeping in touch with my friends. speaking of, some very important people have birthdays coming up!!! let me get my act together. lata gata.