hi guy

that's how i started all of my journal entries for the past 17 years. i got it from one of my fave movies and i'm not going to tell you which movie that is. would hate for you to try to add it to your collection. i do believe all children should watch it because it teaches a valuable lesson. so maybe i will tell you the title. it's lisa. check it out. you just might like it. you're probably asking yourself "why the heck is she telling me this?" well i'll tell you. i was chatting with my cousin yesterday regarding her return to high school and she mentioned the only class she liked was english because she loves to write. it made me think of myself when i was her age since i too have always loved to write. i love anything associated with literature. i asked if she had a journal to keep track of her stories and thoughts and she said no. so i, being the kind hearted mentor that i am, told her that i would get her one. i may just go ahead and get her two because i know how fast i would fill up a journal. once i was done chatting with her, i looked at a recent entry (which i happened to write down on notebook paper because i was at my sister's) and realized i still start my entries this way. it made me laugh because i got into an argument with my least favorite mistake some ten years ago because he read my journal while i was sleeping and thought i was writing to a man. so there i was up in the middle of the night convincing him i've always done that. he was leery until i dragged him across town to pull one of my first journals out to show him. needless to say, there was awesome making up going on after. we did that a lot...make up.
dang!! where was i going before i was derailed by the "least favorite mistake" train? oh yeah. i'm a creature of habit. i like things a certain way. i'm sure everybody likes things a certain way, but i think i can take it overboard sometimes. it's almost as though i have borderline OCD. my books and movies have to be alphabetized. the books also have to be arranged by height. is this how all creative types are? i do believe i am going to take a pool and find out.
i decided to cut this one short since i'm using the wonderful game of UNO to better familiarize my prince kyle with his numbers. he's had his colors down pat for over a year. just stubborn when it comes to these numbers.
lata gata (that's how i end all of my entries)

merry-go-round

and now i'm getting off.

i can't believe i almost allowed you to have power over me once again. what the fuck was i thinking? i kept my phone off just so that you wouldn't be able to call me. what? that's just madness!! i have got to be more careful. it's my phone. i choose who i want to answer the muthafucka for. and since you never call me that early in the morning, why would i bother answering? i wouldn't answer for anybody that early in the morning. you're not my responsibility anymore. i'm not obligated to answer the phone for you. i pay the bill. even if you did pay the bill, i still can pick and choose who and when i want to answer MY phone.
ok. so what. i wasn't at home. it's none of your business where i was. even if it was just my sister's house. that's my business!!!
i know this happened over a week ago. it's just that i am realizing today that i gave him power that he doesn't deserve and now i'm taking it back. it's a vicious cycle. i am not that cold of a person that i just turn my back on people because his well-being does matter to me. i want him to be happy. i just don't understand why he can't return the favor. it's tiring. that's what it is. i'm not going to sit around stressing about his feelings and how he would react to a situation when he doesn't reciprocate. i just can not do it. doing it is a waste of energy and i barely have enough of it as is. i'm done with this. i can't be your friend anymore because you don't return the favor. you call me and gripe about your girl and i listen. i don't offer up my opinion unless you ask. but you can't bear to hear me say i met someone new. or that i'm considering trying a new relationship. you want to get all huffy and catch an attitude. what's that all about?
i am in the process of ordering my new phone. this time i'm getting one that can block individual phone numbers. i refuse to change my number (again) just to keep you from calling me because i am just going to give it to you eventually. so for the time being, just consider yourself blocked when my phone gets here. when i feel like you are deserving of any of my time, then i'll unblock you and we can be associates. that's as far as it will go. i've tried being that listening ear because i care but i can no longer care. it only interferes with MY LIFE. and you're not considerate enough to think about how your actions affect me.

who is this cell phone monk?

i am on day seven of ignoring my phone. that's pretty damned good for me since i'm a self-proclaimed texting addict. i guess i made up for it with the numerous facebook posts i've put up over the past week. sad to say, i didn't tweet much. guess i'll make up for it this week.
i picked up my phone twice today. the first time was to do a note on facebook regarding my cell phone and the second time was to answer the call from my provider inquiring as to whether or not i would like to restore my service today. i actually had to think about it and requested a call back at another time. still don't know what i'm going to say when they call back.
i am waiting to decide whether i'm really going to upgrade my phone or just replace this one with my insurance. my buttons are going on strike. i like my keyboard and the phone i want is touch screen only. i know. sux big pickles. i'll just go ahead and get that one and hold on to this piece of shit i have now. that way if something goes wrong with the new phone (most likely me spilling a full mug of steaming hot tea with honey in it), i'll have it as a back up.
so for now, i'm going to ponder what to do about my phone. for the time being, i will stay on phone strike and consider myself a cell phone monk.

blah, blah, blah

i have a fetish for status shuffle on facebook. earlier i posted a status from the bunch and added a bit to the end. it read:

i want 2 see him so bad i want 2 look his in the eyes and say i ♥ u and hear him say it back and i want him 2 hold me with all of his love and never let me go...and then my phone will ring and an asshole will be on the other end.

the part that is bold was added by yours truly. i just like the way i was able to flip the whole thing around using a real life experience. i'm not looking for love. i'm not waiting for love. i am enjoying the single life but at times, some of my least favorite mistakes like to be ants at my picnic. it's like they have some sort of "happy detector" implanted in my head and they have to just shit all over my world whenever i'm just too comfortable in my happy mode. i don't get it. i want them to be happy. that's all i ever wanted for them. that was the reason i left them. it was quite apparent i wasn't making them happy so i left. what do i have to do, move out of state again? and i'm not talking just across the border. i'm talking the other direction where it's a planned trip and not just a phone call when you're down the street from my place asking if it's cool if you stop by. this past weekend's events had me online looking at openings for the company i was going to work for prior to my current employer. i would be taking another pay cut but the upside to that is the cost of living is nowhere near as high as it is here. my boys would get a better education since the schools are AWESOME!!! would be hard to leave my Father, though. i just feel like i'm running away from home anytime i put any more distance between us. if i tell him all the crap i've gone thru this summer, he would try to talk me into coming down there with him. there's so much to consider before i make that move, but for the record; there isn't much holding me here. really it's not.

day three of peace

my phone is off and i have no intention of turning it back on anytime soon. i am enjoying the "peaceful noise" created by my boys. no texting or rare phone conversations. anyone who wants to get in touch with me knows how. to be completely honest, i'm thinking of making this an august thing since my month has started of on a crappy note.
i am just so sick of answering my phone only to have the person on the other end on some bullshit and major nonsense. i have better things to worry about than to be concerned with your fucking feelings being hurt because your homeboy told you i spent the night out. it didn't have shit to do with me dropping the boys off to my sister at 3 am in the morning (which by the way didn't happen). you were upset about hearing that i was with someone else. whether i was or not is no business of yours or your friends because i'm grown and i don't answer to either one of you. hell. i don't answer to anyone on the face of this planet. for future reference, the next time your friend calls you before the fucking rooster crows to tell you i am out "tricking off" roll over and look at the beast laying next to you and tell yourself and him "THAT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS"

insomnia...

must be my native american name because sleep just refuses to be my friend. during the three hours that i've been up, i've tried; laying in the dark for an hour, cleaning out my inbox, emptying my bladder, listening to the fan rotate, sending out birthday shoutouts on facebook, and tweeting. as i lay here yawning and listening to my son fall out of the bed for the third time (i'm not picking his solid ass up again. ok. yes i am), i wonder if insomnia is genetic. i have a cousin who suffers from it and i know for a fact my fraternal grandmother suffers. does that mean it skips a generation since my first cousin and i suffer but our parents, who are siblings (for the genetics impaired), don't? i used to say i need to find an overnight job since i was always up at the wee hours, but i've come to the conclusion, i need a life outside of work and home. i don't suffer from insomnia!! i have a severe case of creativity and my mind needs to explore. i'm gonna fill my prescription for a social life (again) pronto!!

my horrible-scope

i took my boys on a field trip downtown due to their fascination with the train. needless to say, they discovered it was overrated and found more excitement in how close the pigeons walked to us. now i, on the oher hand, did find something about the train ride back intriguing. some previous rider left their newspaper on the seat next to me and when i glanced over, it was on the horoscopes. hmmm. what nonsense could it say about my sign? so i glanced over and skimmed my report only to find it precise. according to the predictor, i am sexually dissatisfied and i'm wondering if my new boyfriend (yes. it said boyfriend and not mate) Knows my errogenous zones. it ended by stating eventually, it will get better. (thanx for something to look forward to) so my question is, how in the hell is everyone in my sign sexually dissatisfied? that's a lot of people. and damnit, we're fucking awesome! so why can't we have our fleshly needs met? thanx ruling planet, mercury! couldn't have done it without you. *insert wink here*